A time to embrace
As I'm writing this, a family is getting ready to say goodbye to their little girl. Gloria is dying of neuroblastoma, an aggressive pediatric cancer. The Times has been following her and her family for the last six months in a series of articles. I've found the series heartwarming and the family inspiring for their clear love for each other and the amazing love and support they inspire in those around them.
I've worked with or volunteered with people with cancer for over six years now. I'm happy for those who have survived, sad for those who have died, and I wonder what has happened to those who had their transplants and went home, the ones I never heard from again. I've come to hate the "battle" and "war" terms applied to cancer--if someone dies, then does that mean that she didn't fight hard enough? Or he didn't have enough armament?
Instead of looking at cancer as such an adversary, sometimes it can teach us a lot. This series has also affirmed for me that cancer is the right career path for me, as is hospice. I have a long way to go to accepting my own death and truth, whatever that may be. Winding up in the hospital this summer started me off on the path of understanding, but I have a long way to go. The longer I work with people who are ill and the more I am present with people who are facing death on immediate terms in my volunteer work and in my career, it reaffirms to me that this is where I want to be and I have made the right choice to take this path. Most importantly, I am reminded of what a privilege it is to do this work.
Now it's back to the fall schedule, to wheedle my way into pharmacology, back to research and clinic. Part of why I'm writing this is to refer back to it when I'm tired, jaded, and stressed months or years from now, to remind me why I'm doing this, to make strides towards helping people, people like my students at Hutch School, my grandparents, my brother, and the Glorias yet to be born.
I've worked with or volunteered with people with cancer for over six years now. I'm happy for those who have survived, sad for those who have died, and I wonder what has happened to those who had their transplants and went home, the ones I never heard from again. I've come to hate the "battle" and "war" terms applied to cancer--if someone dies, then does that mean that she didn't fight hard enough? Or he didn't have enough armament?
Instead of looking at cancer as such an adversary, sometimes it can teach us a lot. This series has also affirmed for me that cancer is the right career path for me, as is hospice. I have a long way to go to accepting my own death and truth, whatever that may be. Winding up in the hospital this summer started me off on the path of understanding, but I have a long way to go. The longer I work with people who are ill and the more I am present with people who are facing death on immediate terms in my volunteer work and in my career, it reaffirms to me that this is where I want to be and I have made the right choice to take this path. Most importantly, I am reminded of what a privilege it is to do this work.
Now it's back to the fall schedule, to wheedle my way into pharmacology, back to research and clinic. Part of why I'm writing this is to refer back to it when I'm tired, jaded, and stressed months or years from now, to remind me why I'm doing this, to make strides towards helping people, people like my students at Hutch School, my grandparents, my brother, and the Glorias yet to be born.
1 Comments:
I think that the reasons people go into programs like yours (or mine) can be so rewarding that it buffers you somewhat against the burned out, jaded, bitterness...not entirely, but enough to keep you going and keep you feeling like you're doing the right thing for you and for others. At least that has been my experience....
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