Yay! Ouch.
We have Congress??? Yay! Are you serious?? It must be the drugs talking.
Which brings me to the "ouch" part of the story. You see, y'all, I am a lover, a fighter, and a grinder. Ohh whoo wee, I gnash the teefs at night. I used to have a nightguard, and I broke it. No kidding, ground it down one night until it snapped. I didn't get a new one, yadda yadda, hundreds of dollars, bah, nightguards are for wussies. Cara don't need no stinking nightguards.
About a year ago (I know, I know, hush), I started developing sensitivity in my back teeth. I went to my old dentist, and Old Dentist said, "I can't see anything on your tooth. But we could put a crown on." Cara said, "Bull-SHEET!" and went to find a new dentist.
New Dentist took a look at Cara's teeth and said, "Uh, you need a nightguard, and you have broken your teeth with grinding." So today off I went to New Dentist, who is trying to repair my back broken teeth. I will leave out the gory details, but we'll know in about a month or so if today's reconstruction worked, and if not, it's off to the oral surgeon for Christmas. Santa, I'll leave you my address, please send dentures and the usual coal delivery.
After I left the dentist, I went to the local supermall because I was on the other side of the water and it's as good a time as any to start the holiday shopping. BTW, have I mentioned that one week from Saturday, we will be invaded with Southerners for a week and I would like some supplies with which to feed them? Ooh, boy, it's gonna be a hootenanny AND a hoedown.
But I digress. I was in a store in supermall and of course, I'm talking funny. I'm numb from my nose to my neck, my lip feels like it should be on an elephant, and I can barely open my mouth. The gentleman helpy dude decide to come by and chat me up after seeing me wander around the same chocolate display three times in a drugged stupor. He guided me to the nuts, the jams, the cocktail mixes, and while explaining the displays he'd say insightful things such as, "this is cheesecake. It contains cheese" in a very soothing, patient tone. I didn't say anything derogatory, because I was finding it really funny and I kept giving him the strangest look, wondering what the hell is wrong with him. Maybe he's drugged too, I thought. He kept tapping me on the arm, and when I would look at him, he would slowly and enunciate the name on each item while staring at me. As if I couldn't read.
Then I realized... holy crap, he thinks I'm deaf! I made a point of looking away at him while he was talking to me, hoping he'd understand, duh, I just heard you and I'm replying to what you said, if I was reading lips I wouldn't have seen that, but no dice. At first I thought, wow, this is nice of him. Then I thought, wait, WTF, if I was deaf, this would be condescending rather than misguided, and it would really piss me off. I muttered that I wanted to shop alone, which probably sounded something like, "I vant to sthtop ayoune" and he nodded knowingly, tapped my arm, and said loudly, "I'LL BE OVER THERE." Dude, I'm not really deaf, but if I was, volume wouldn't help, and I'm certainly not blind.
I grabbed a few items that will speed along the T-Day feast, and he was chatting with the checkout girl, and then turned and said, "Iiiissssss thaaat aaallll?" while thrusting his face into mine. I said, "Yeeeessss itttt issss," but unfortunately it sounded more like "aaahh eeesh." Which didn't help with the deaf perception.
So, I didn't know what to do. What would you have done? Set him straight? Let it go? In the end, I let it go, because I was tired, and feeling shitty, and didn't feel like talking when talking was already painful. I also was doped up and couldn't think straight. I wouldn't have wanted him to feel bad because I think his heart was in the right place, but treating someone who may be deaf as if she is a kindergartener? Ouch.
Which brings me to the "ouch" part of the story. You see, y'all, I am a lover, a fighter, and a grinder. Ohh whoo wee, I gnash the teefs at night. I used to have a nightguard, and I broke it. No kidding, ground it down one night until it snapped. I didn't get a new one, yadda yadda, hundreds of dollars, bah, nightguards are for wussies. Cara don't need no stinking nightguards.
About a year ago (I know, I know, hush), I started developing sensitivity in my back teeth. I went to my old dentist, and Old Dentist said, "I can't see anything on your tooth. But we could put a crown on." Cara said, "Bull-SHEET!" and went to find a new dentist.
New Dentist took a look at Cara's teeth and said, "Uh, you need a nightguard, and you have broken your teeth with grinding." So today off I went to New Dentist, who is trying to repair my back broken teeth. I will leave out the gory details, but we'll know in about a month or so if today's reconstruction worked, and if not, it's off to the oral surgeon for Christmas. Santa, I'll leave you my address, please send dentures and the usual coal delivery.
After I left the dentist, I went to the local supermall because I was on the other side of the water and it's as good a time as any to start the holiday shopping. BTW, have I mentioned that one week from Saturday, we will be invaded with Southerners for a week and I would like some supplies with which to feed them? Ooh, boy, it's gonna be a hootenanny AND a hoedown.
But I digress. I was in a store in supermall and of course, I'm talking funny. I'm numb from my nose to my neck, my lip feels like it should be on an elephant, and I can barely open my mouth. The gentleman helpy dude decide to come by and chat me up after seeing me wander around the same chocolate display three times in a drugged stupor. He guided me to the nuts, the jams, the cocktail mixes, and while explaining the displays he'd say insightful things such as, "this is cheesecake. It contains cheese" in a very soothing, patient tone. I didn't say anything derogatory, because I was finding it really funny and I kept giving him the strangest look, wondering what the hell is wrong with him. Maybe he's drugged too, I thought. He kept tapping me on the arm, and when I would look at him, he would slowly and enunciate the name on each item while staring at me. As if I couldn't read.
Then I realized... holy crap, he thinks I'm deaf! I made a point of looking away at him while he was talking to me, hoping he'd understand, duh, I just heard you and I'm replying to what you said, if I was reading lips I wouldn't have seen that, but no dice. At first I thought, wow, this is nice of him. Then I thought, wait, WTF, if I was deaf, this would be condescending rather than misguided, and it would really piss me off. I muttered that I wanted to shop alone, which probably sounded something like, "I vant to sthtop ayoune" and he nodded knowingly, tapped my arm, and said loudly, "I'LL BE OVER THERE." Dude, I'm not really deaf, but if I was, volume wouldn't help, and I'm certainly not blind.
I grabbed a few items that will speed along the T-Day feast, and he was chatting with the checkout girl, and then turned and said, "Iiiissssss thaaat aaallll?" while thrusting his face into mine. I said, "Yeeeessss itttt issss," but unfortunately it sounded more like "aaahh eeesh." Which didn't help with the deaf perception.
So, I didn't know what to do. What would you have done? Set him straight? Let it go? In the end, I let it go, because I was tired, and feeling shitty, and didn't feel like talking when talking was already painful. I also was doped up and couldn't think straight. I wouldn't have wanted him to feel bad because I think his heart was in the right place, but treating someone who may be deaf as if she is a kindergartener? Ouch.
2 Comments:
I think I would've made a joke about talking funny because I had just come from the dentist, which would serve the purpose of adequately making him feel like a jackass without actually calling him on it.
I'm just passive-aggressive like that, though. :-)
Ah, duh. Did I mention I was drugged at the time? I've apparently killed a lot of brain cells, since I didn't think of that at all until I read your comment.
Post a Comment
<< Home