No beets for Scottie
I've had anxiety since I was a kid. For example, I used to watch the Weather Channel obsessively, because I was terrified of tornadoes and wanted to know if one was going to touch down nearby. Where did we live? New Jersey.
The anxiety went on past the weather. I had a lot of health problems as a kid and spent a lot of time in the hospital. Thus the hypochondriac was born. Unfortunately I've worked so hard to get over my hypochondria that I now go in the other direction. (Scott: like the time that you didn't go right away for stitches? Or how I have to bug you to take your thyroid pills? Are you going to have that broken tooth fixed? Cara: I have a broken tooth? Oh, yeah. Huh.)
So now my anxiety has narrowed its focus onto something else, and that would be 1)getting into grad school and 2) how the world will implode if that doesn't happen because all of the best-laid plans will go to waste. I'm obsessing over how if I don't get into school then we'll never be able to move back east per our plan, and Scott will forever be in the tech industry and won't be able to pursue his real passions of growing beets and making origami or whatever else he wants to do. I'll be a big loser at work, since the PIs I work with are all on the faculty of the grad school, and I'll have to hide my face and rush down the hall and pretend that it doesn't bother me that I am a reject working amongst brilliant people who think I'm a moron. And then I'll have to pick some other career that sounds good, like opening a wine shop, but instead I'll drink my inventory and end up living on the street in a cardboard box.
Blech. Have I mentioned that anxiety sucks?
The anxiety went on past the weather. I had a lot of health problems as a kid and spent a lot of time in the hospital. Thus the hypochondriac was born. Unfortunately I've worked so hard to get over my hypochondria that I now go in the other direction. (Scott: like the time that you didn't go right away for stitches? Or how I have to bug you to take your thyroid pills? Are you going to have that broken tooth fixed? Cara: I have a broken tooth? Oh, yeah. Huh.)
So now my anxiety has narrowed its focus onto something else, and that would be 1)getting into grad school and 2) how the world will implode if that doesn't happen because all of the best-laid plans will go to waste. I'm obsessing over how if I don't get into school then we'll never be able to move back east per our plan, and Scott will forever be in the tech industry and won't be able to pursue his real passions of growing beets and making origami or whatever else he wants to do. I'll be a big loser at work, since the PIs I work with are all on the faculty of the grad school, and I'll have to hide my face and rush down the hall and pretend that it doesn't bother me that I am a reject working amongst brilliant people who think I'm a moron. And then I'll have to pick some other career that sounds good, like opening a wine shop, but instead I'll drink my inventory and end up living on the street in a cardboard box.
Blech. Have I mentioned that anxiety sucks?
3 Comments:
Anxiety does fucking suck :( My heart goes out to you during this stressing time, but y'know you can get through it :)
Funny, I grew up near a heck of a lot of tornadoes, and as a result, they don't faze me at all. It gets to the point where you just grumble every time the sirens go off because it means you have to stop whatever you're doing and go sit in the hall, or the bathroom, or wherever there are no windows. Sigh. Bo-ring.
I'm not sure if it helps, but sometimes if I plan out what I would do in the event of the worst-case scenario, it makes me feel better.
But I'm guessing you're probably going to get into grad school with flying colors. And then you'll have a whole new batch of things to be anxious about. (Classes, exams, etc.)
Y'all are very sweet. Thank you.
I have been thinking about Plan B. And C, D, E, all the way to Q. So that helps. I'm nervous because I took the practice tests, which were really hard. My supportive co-worker just loaned me a great bio text, so let the frantic studying begin! :-)
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