Deep thoughts, or weird ramblings
Not quite Jack Handy, but y'know, I used to LOVE that part of SNL. It's pretty much the best thing they did in the 90s. If y'all haven't seen it yet, go rent the 1st season on DVD. It's 8 DVDs, 3 episodes each. Richard Pryor, Paul Simon, & Dudley Moore are highlights.
Onto the deep thoughts. I'm excited to get married. I love Scott very much and want to be married to him. But... but... but... kids? First comes love, then comes marriage, then Cara's pushing a baby carriage? Meh. MEH, I say.
Many of my friends are having babies now, or are trying to get pregnant, or have adopted recently, or really really really want a baby. What bothers me is that I don't get it. I don't have any desire to be pregnant. I feel like a baby means that we don't get to do fun stuff anymore. I feel claustrophobic thinking about it. Birth terrifies me. Part of me hopes that these feelings change, and part of me really hopes to keep the life we have going without interruption.
I'm curious to know, for those of you out there who are parents, or want to be parents: how did you know? What changed in your life or what realization did you come to so that you said, "I'm ready"? I don't mean to sound like a bumpkin, and I know this post sounds pretty weird. But I'd appreciate hearing anything you'd like to share.
Onto the deep thoughts. I'm excited to get married. I love Scott very much and want to be married to him. But... but... but... kids? First comes love, then comes marriage, then Cara's pushing a baby carriage? Meh. MEH, I say.
Many of my friends are having babies now, or are trying to get pregnant, or have adopted recently, or really really really want a baby. What bothers me is that I don't get it. I don't have any desire to be pregnant. I feel like a baby means that we don't get to do fun stuff anymore. I feel claustrophobic thinking about it. Birth terrifies me. Part of me hopes that these feelings change, and part of me really hopes to keep the life we have going without interruption.
I'm curious to know, for those of you out there who are parents, or want to be parents: how did you know? What changed in your life or what realization did you come to so that you said, "I'm ready"? I don't mean to sound like a bumpkin, and I know this post sounds pretty weird. But I'd appreciate hearing anything you'd like to share.
4 Comments:
I've wanted to have kids as long as I can remember, so it was sort of a no-brainer for me. I'm one of those odd people who was sure that I'd be a great mother, but not so confident about how good a wife I'd be. I had already decided to adopt if I was still single when I turned 30.
It was actually Dave's idea for me to go off birth control when I did - I hadn't brought it up because I was afraid I'd be rushing him. But we both just instinctually felt "ready," whatever that means. We didn't analyze or overthink it too much, we just decided to go for it.
Oddly, it was only when I was about 7 months pregnant that I started to have the "oh my god, our lives are about to totally change and there's no way out of this!" panic. So, yeah. Probably better to get those claustrophobic feelings out of your system sooner rather than later. It's not very helpful when it wakes you up at 4 a.m. just a few weeks before your due date.
For me....my pregnancy was the result of a summer fling.....oops! I was 21 years old......and had planned on a private adoption.....about half way through my pregnancy I decided to raise my son as a single parent....at this point my family knew and were very supportive. I have no regrets and can't imagine life without my son....who will be turning 22 years old in a few months...he now also is a father of an almost 3 year old little boy....my grandson. Being a gramma totally rocks!!!
So now fast forward to 1998 when I got married...my husband and I both had wanted to have children....but mother nature was not cooperative....I did get pregnant a couple years after we got married...but the pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Fast forward to the present....although the miscarriage was horrible to go through....I know that having more children would have been a mistake...since I am in my early forties. Basically....I have gone through the mom thing....relatively unscathed...I have a great son...and beautiful grandbaby....and life is just right like it is!
So my best advice would be...whatever you do ....DON'T LET YOUR CHILDREN OUT NUMBER YOU AND YOUR HUSBAND.
Life can go on fairly easy with one child and you can still do pretty much everything....it's when you get into multiple children...then it gets to be more a challenge.
OK...you, the friend who has known me the longest (OK, maybe you're in a tie with Lana) should know that i was not focused on the family if you know what i mean. but starting around 27, when i realized i wasn't getting any younger, the urge started to kick in. like, i'd be in a room full of people, see a baby, and become transfixed. it's like the rest of the room ceases to exist while i psychically communicate with the baby. another clue: i keep trying to swaddle love and coco and rock them in our rocking chair (they hate this, btw). also, my body is just changing - it's getting harder to stay in shape, and the whole nipple thing is just blowing me out of the water. how did these sensations elude me for 16 years (counting post-puberty)? milton's trying to make me wait until i have master's in hand, but i'm wondering if i can wait that long. don't get me wrong - i am NOT looking forward to shitting a kid - but that seems like a small part of the parenting experience.
When Brian and I got married we were all about enjoying our time together and not being tied down with a child. We went out every night and did whatever we wanted. Then I started to notice babies everywhere I went. I asked Brian one day how long he wanted to wait to have children and he told me that he was ready when I was. I remember laughing to myself thinking yeah right, I have to jump start my career first, etc etc. Then all of a sudden I started to get the itch. I literally just woke up one morning and realized that I was ready to have children. Nothing really built up to it. We had been married 3 years and I decided I was ready. I rolled over, looked at Brian and said I want to start trying to have a baby. So we did, I got pregnant and now the best thing I've ever done is named Savannah. I can't imagine my life without her, she is my everything! I look at her and think that I can't believe that I can love someone that much. I think that when you are ready you just know. Nothing lead up to me wanting to try to conceive, I just knew that I was ready...and it was the best decision I ever made.
Michelle
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