Fat bastard
I came home tonight and opened the door, expecting the usual cacophany of cat noise to greet me. Instead... silence.
"That's weird," I thought. "It must be the heat."
For a brief second there, I wondered if maybe the two reaally fat ones, Sampson and Butterball, had had heart attacks while I was at work. I left for the day a bit after 8 am, and here it was 6 pm. But no.
I rounded the corner into the kitchen, and Sampson and Casper hightailed it out of there. Never a good sign.
Sure enough, from the laundry room off the kitchen, where we keep the Forbidden Bags of Delicious Cat Food, waddles Butters.
Butters managed to open the door while I was gone.
His Holy Fatness waddled up to me, looked up at me...
and burped. Yes, that is right. Like a big, fat, old man who had just eaten a gallon of Dinty Moore mixed with baked beans and some Cheez Whiz.
I walked over to the laundry room and realized, much to my horror, that Butters had EATEN HIS WAY THROUGH THE WRAPPER, consuming half a bag of food.
Yes, folks, he opened it up with his own little teeth and claws.
See the close up there? Those are teeth marks, and claw marks. That bag was on the floor and sealed up this morning when I left.
"Buuuuhhh-TTEERRRSS," I screeched, and before I could finish my thought and the ass-whuppin' that was to come, I was interrupted by the sound of Sampson getting sick. Awesome. He shared his forbidden food with Sammy. Friggin' rat bastard.
If you take him, then I'll send him. Anywhere. Maybe I'll even put air holes in the box.
Sammy says, my shitty brother, he gives me the foods that makes me sicks. Meh. Pbbtth to him.
"That's weird," I thought. "It must be the heat."
For a brief second there, I wondered if maybe the two reaally fat ones, Sampson and Butterball, had had heart attacks while I was at work. I left for the day a bit after 8 am, and here it was 6 pm. But no.
I rounded the corner into the kitchen, and Sampson and Casper hightailed it out of there. Never a good sign.
Sure enough, from the laundry room off the kitchen, where we keep the Forbidden Bags of Delicious Cat Food, waddles Butters.
Butters managed to open the door while I was gone.
His Holy Fatness waddled up to me, looked up at me...
and burped. Yes, that is right. Like a big, fat, old man who had just eaten a gallon of Dinty Moore mixed with baked beans and some Cheez Whiz.
I walked over to the laundry room and realized, much to my horror, that Butters had EATEN HIS WAY THROUGH THE WRAPPER, consuming half a bag of food.
Yes, folks, he opened it up with his own little teeth and claws.
See the close up there? Those are teeth marks, and claw marks. That bag was on the floor and sealed up this morning when I left.
"Buuuuhhh-TTEERRRSS," I screeched, and before I could finish my thought and the ass-whuppin' that was to come, I was interrupted by the sound of Sampson getting sick. Awesome. He shared his forbidden food with Sammy. Friggin' rat bastard.
If you take him, then I'll send him. Anywhere. Maybe I'll even put air holes in the box.
Sammy says, my shitty brother, he gives me the foods that makes me sicks. Meh. Pbbtth to him.
4 Comments:
GAH! It's like you're in my house! Except it's the wheat based litter and the dog is the one puking. Somehow, and I don't know how, they started getting to the storage closet a few times a week even though the door was firmly closed. Hence, garlic and bile.
Finally, I acquired a $0.50 hook and eye latch from the hardware store. All that puke and drama, solved by a $.50 latch. Unless of course, we forget to latch it...
Safe travels East!
Beaumont has chewed through so many damn bags of Purina One, I've lost count. Only he doesn't eat it all in one shot, he tears the bag open and scatters the food *everywhere* for all the kitties to enjoy. Gah.
We now keep the extra bags of cat food on the top shelf of the hall closet. Which stays closed. Lovable little morons.
cats are funny things arent they??compared to dogs, they seem to have a mind of their own...Character is more like it.
wishes,
Scribblers Inc.
Pets are little rotters, aren't they?
Post a Comment
<< Home