Noses out, please
First off, thank you to all of you who emailed, called, or posted your baby thoughts--I appreciate hearing from all of you! It's been very helpful to hear other people's perspectives on how they came to want a baby. I think that once we move, we'll consider a dog. That will be my big Next Step. If we can manage to walk a dog multiple times a day and not resent it terribly, then we'll consider a baby. :-)
Here's what's started it all: ever since our wedding has come on the horizon, well-meaning folks have bugged us about kids. I'm planning on starting graduate school in September, provided that I get in. But instead of support, I've heard the following: 1) I'm getting older so I should reconsider graduate school in favor of kids (comment rating: !!), 2) Scott and I can't handle kids, working and grad school, so grad school should go (rating:!!!), 3) cancer research is great and all, but Microsoft is lucrative so his job should come first (rating: !!!! 1/2), 4) if we waited too long and then adopted, people in the family may not accept a "non-blood" child (rating:!!!!!!!), and 5) graduate school is a selfish choice because Scott deserves kids (rating: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BTW, this last one horrified me so much I just burst into laughter. Really, what else can you do in that situation?)
Argh. Wonder why I've been having so many migraines. What also bothers me is the assumption that if we don't want kids then something is wrong with us. My plan of action for the upcoming months is to keep my head down, keep trying to do things I like to do, and not listen to the swirling unsolicited advice around our wedding, my fertility, and my career. Sheesh. I'm not a moron; I understand that a baby needs income and food on the table. I'm astounded that so many people can intrude on such sensitive topics and bonus! feel that they're justified in doing so. Granted, I offer unsolicited advice on restaurants, wine, and vacuum cleaners, but that's different. Everyone should, nay, deserves to hear about the power of Dyson and web wine deals.
Not to end on a downer note: I started at PAWS again! I love kitties. There's an adorable Maine Coon/Manx mix named Henry who wags his little stumpy tail a lot and has a huge plume of hair for a tail. He looks like a doggie when he walks around. So. Damn. CUTE. Watch out 2-cat condo maximum. I'm back on the prowl.
Here's what's started it all: ever since our wedding has come on the horizon, well-meaning folks have bugged us about kids. I'm planning on starting graduate school in September, provided that I get in. But instead of support, I've heard the following: 1) I'm getting older so I should reconsider graduate school in favor of kids (comment rating: !!), 2) Scott and I can't handle kids, working and grad school, so grad school should go (rating:!!!), 3) cancer research is great and all, but Microsoft is lucrative so his job should come first (rating: !!!! 1/2), 4) if we waited too long and then adopted, people in the family may not accept a "non-blood" child (rating:!!!!!!!), and 5) graduate school is a selfish choice because Scott deserves kids (rating: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BTW, this last one horrified me so much I just burst into laughter. Really, what else can you do in that situation?)
Argh. Wonder why I've been having so many migraines. What also bothers me is the assumption that if we don't want kids then something is wrong with us. My plan of action for the upcoming months is to keep my head down, keep trying to do things I like to do, and not listen to the swirling unsolicited advice around our wedding, my fertility, and my career. Sheesh. I'm not a moron; I understand that a baby needs income and food on the table. I'm astounded that so many people can intrude on such sensitive topics and bonus! feel that they're justified in doing so. Granted, I offer unsolicited advice on restaurants, wine, and vacuum cleaners, but that's different. Everyone should, nay, deserves to hear about the power of Dyson and web wine deals.
Not to end on a downer note: I started at PAWS again! I love kitties. There's an adorable Maine Coon/Manx mix named Henry who wags his little stumpy tail a lot and has a huge plume of hair for a tail. He looks like a doggie when he walks around. So. Damn. CUTE. Watch out 2-cat condo maximum. I'm back on the prowl.
2 Comments:
Hmm, maybe this is just a difference in family dynamics? Because Dave and I were a bit older than you two when we got hitched (well, Dave especially - he's 4 years older than me), and no one asked us anything about if/when we planned to have kids. I cannot imagine that people are already questioning your educational and career goals, when you haven't even gotten married yet. That's appalling.
I mean, I'm assuming that these comments are coming from family members, since friends generally don't butt in and offer unsolicited comments like that. But either way? So not anyone's business! You should start telling people that you've thought about kids, but it would mean that the two of you would have to drop out of the hardcore S&M scene, and you're just not ready to give up that part of yourself yet. See if that teaches them to keep their mouths shut. :-)
Go to and finish Grad school before starting a family! You have plenty of time . It will be so hard to go to school and raise a family. People do it but why make things harder if you don't have to. Follow your dreams before you have children . It is not a big deal not to have children if thats what you both choose. I adore my grandchildren but if Michelle or Brian did not want to have any that would have been fine. It is their lives and they have to raise them. You only run into a problem when 1 person wants children and the other spouse doesn't . Of course people iron that out before marriage. Can't picture anyone in the family not supporting you in your decision to go to Grad school.
Any adopted children would be loved as much as all the others. Lots of love to go around.
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